Stigma is not about you
In all our focus on diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging, I feel like stigma is something we can do better about addressing.
This is personal for me. I’ve experienced stigma for over 20 years.
It started when I was a music education major in college. I was also serious about studying to become a professional conductor. Well, that was the problem: I was told (implicitly and explicitly) that I can’t be both. I have to choose one or the other. If I am an educator, I won’t be seen as a “real conductor.” If I become a professional, I won't be seen as an educator.
I felt that tug of war - my entire career. I felt the whiplash from having to please this side or that side (or both), having to prove, and feeling forced to choose.
I started my career in academia. And as I delved deeper, the professional world seemed to want nothing to do with me. And the message I received was always, “Oh, you're a teacher? Good for you. Stay in that lane. You can't be one of us.” (while I'm screaming inside, “I'm just a conductor who does excellent work!”).
I craved acceptance from the professional side, but I didn't know how to get it without completely abandoning my educator self. And I remain haunted by the stigma of “those who can't do, teach.”
I recently heard this description of stigma from a podcast with John Green, and I found it to be super helpful:
“There was this wonderful young woman named Casey Aldman who died of cancer a few years ago. And she told me once that stigma is a way of saying, you deserved for this to happen, and I don't deserve for it to happen. And so for me not to have to worry about this happening to me, I have to have a reason why this happened to you. And that's what stigma is ultimately.”
This made so much sense to me. It rang true. It explained my struggle - perfectly.
As I applied this to my own experience, it occurred to me that stigma is more about the other person making the judgment. Perhaps they need a way of explaining why this “teacher” path happened to me, why I deserve it, and why they don't deserve it. The last one is crucial, in my opinion. These rationals keep the two paths separate, a safe distance between them and me, and result in othering.
Maybe if I can get my mind to see the stigma as a figment of someone else's imagination, I can start to become less affected by it. I can stop believing it. I can stop doing it to others, too, to be a more inclusive leader.
Have you experienced stigma? How might this framing shift the way you experience, manage, and respond to it?
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