What are your stories?
People are their stories. We can see, understand, and empathize with people better by knowing their stories.
British author Will Storr defines story as “a unit of information that tells of the overcoming of an obstacle in pursuit of a goal.” Without the pursuit and the overcoming, there would be no story. It would simply be a list of facts and events.
He also says people share three main goals in life: survival, connection, and status. These goals drive our needs, wants, behaviors, and thoughts.
I invite you to:
Think of a “survival” story in your life right now: What threatens your survival? What do you need in order to survive? What obstacles are present?
Think of a “connection” story in your life right now: From where and whom are you seeking acceptance? What’s making it hard? Who do you feel like you have to be in order to belong?
Think of a “status” story in your life right now: What’s missing that would make you feel valued and respected? What would you gain from status? Why don't you have it and what are you doing about it?
Replace “your life” with “your organization” and these same questions apply organizationally as well. For example, a survival story can be an existential crisis or severe budget cuts.
We are all protagonists in our own personal story. And we are active participants too in our organization’s story. Answers to the above questions can be different for everyone. There are no right or wrong stories.
When we see that the majority of our stories are about survival, connection, and status, we gain clarity. And remember that overcoming obstacles in these pursuits is what actually makes these stories meaningful.
This framing can help leaders uncover what’s really driving their people underneath. It allows us to do three things for them that can really make a difference:
Celebrate your people when you notice an overcoming of an obstacle. This doesn’t have to be huge. It can simply be a win in their survival story, like successfully navigating a technical issue. .
Support your people when you notice them struggling with an obstacle. Ask them what they need from the domains of survival, connection, or status. This can reveal different ways you can actually offer support, like addressing a connection deficit.
Simply witness your people fighting these battles. Sometimes you can’t help. And in those cases, it can be so validating for people when leaders recognize their challenges, like wanting to belong and being valued.
What are your stories? What are the stories of the people you work with? How can this help you better engage with them?
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