What’s missing in networking?
Have you ever been given the advice: in order to succeed, you need to affiliate yourself with famous people who hold the power?
I could never get myself to do it. Since forever, my entire being rejected the idea of attaching myself to someone for their fame and power. It felt wrong, yet it also felt like I was wrong for rejecting this advice.
For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what the problem was or what my problem was. I ended up attributing my lack of success to my inability to act on this advice. I would shame myself for being weak, undisciplined, and undedicated. I thought, “If I really wanted it enough, I should be able to force myself to do it.”
Last month, I realized something: There are not many famous conductors who hold power that I admire. (There, I said it.)
There are, of course, conductors I admire, just not the ones I was advised to pursue affiliation with in this manner. And I couldn't in good conscience affiliate myself with people I don't admire, musically and personally. That was the problem. That was what ate at me inside.
So while I recognize the advice of affiliation as a valid networking and career-building concept, I do believe there's something missing: the discerning element of admiration.
Perhaps a better version of that advice is: in order to succeed, you need to affiliate yourself with famous people you admire. (And perhaps, we don't even need the word "famous” in that sentence.)
This made me see that connecting with people I admire was actually easy in my life. I didn't have to make up reasons to contact them or be in their presence. I didn't have to force myself to say superficial nice things (or worse, lie). My interactions with them just flowed and felt genuine. I was able to mean what I said and that felt good.
The truth is that I admire them because they exhibit values and qualities I hold dear and find important. I found myself drawn to conductors who prioritized collaboration, oozed music through every gesture, and were thoughtful people. They are my heroes because I aspire to be like them.
That's how the law of attraction works, through aligned beliefs and values. And we can use it to our advantage. We can focus our limited time and efforts on connections with people we admire.
Often, I still catch myself forcing a connection with someone I really didn't admire. When that happens, I do three things to help me refocus:
I pause and remind myself of the clues: I just don't value the same things as they do. We don't share the same aesthetics. Our conversations are awkward and could never go beyond the pleasantries.
I recognize that if it's this hard, there is misalignment and probably lack of admiration. True admiration results in alignment and ease.
I give myself permission to let go of my pursuit of these people, even if I believe logically their affiliation would benefit me. That is OK.
I challenge us to affiliate ourselves with people through a lens of true admiration, instead of through a blind pursuit of fame and power. Shift our focus to what piques our admiration for someone, and develop our clarity to choose the people we connect with. That is true power.
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